I am thankful to have lost

• my need to explain myself and my choices
• my anger
• my inability to separate my problems and responsbilities from others
• a few unhealthy relationships

I dreamed about my husband, his appearance, his name, his family, years before we met. I have had other dreams of people and places that I later went to or met, as well as dreams that would let me know when someone I knew delivered a baby.

A friend in college read my cards (playing cards) and told me about how my stepmother would become a big part of my life, which made no sense at the time, but turned out to be true.

By appreciating people - respecting who they are, learning about them, being interested in them, including them.

Are we talking physical sleep or enlightenment?

Physical sleep: I like to wake up on my own, gradually, with time to lie in bed and enjoy lying there, and with a chance to look forward to my day; with my husband by my side.

Enlightenment: Although I appreciate the motivation and education factor of pain, I prefer when synchronicity points the way, or I learn something profound in meditation.

Being left alone to be myself.

Being appreciated for who I truly am. My husband is great at this. I know that he listens even when it doesn't seem like it, and that he loves all my oddities.

Learning about anything.

Being organized enough to not be anxious.

Not needing to control anything other than me.

Lots of cushy pillows at naptime with hubby.

Me and the grandmothers for most things.

My husband always surprises me with how much he pays attention to all the little things about me.

I try to reach people with reason and tolerance via the internet, but it does not appear to be a good vehicle the way I am doing it.

My daughter observes and takes both good and bad behaviors from me.

It really depends on the situation...

If it is loss of someone through death, I just help keep their regular routine going to make things seem as normal as possible. Let them talk about their own feelings and only insert mine if asked.

If it is about a breakup, I build them up and spend a little extra time to help fill in the gaps.

If it is a general sadness I just ask how I can help.

If it is my daughter or husband having a bad day, I ask questions designed to help lead them to next steps instead of focusing on the bad feelings.

If it is me, I get in comfy PJs and take into my bed full of pillows pets, books, puzzles, laptop, remote control, phone and use as needed.

My relationships.

I am saving my marriage. My husband is bipolar and it's been very challenging to get through some of the things we've had to deal with. He can be a real jerk at times. But the person I married is typically the one I am dealing with. I'm doing my best to be aware of triggers and signs he is headed for a spin to make sure I don't exacerbate the problem. When his anxiety takes over he starts reacting badly and lashing out. I am doing what I can to steer him to figuring out how to handle his illness the best he can, and at the same time making sure I have tools and support to continue to be the stable, consistent person in the relationship. He is there for me in a big way more often than not, but there are times I cannot rely on him for emotional support. I'm glad I have the tools to keep myself steady, and little by little he is learning what works for him. It's been a struggle, but we have learned alot about ourselves and each other, and understand our challenge does not lie with our relationship, but with making sure our relationship does not suffer.

I am saving my relationship with my daughter. She has made some choices based on lack of experience that included her going to live with my parents (she didn't want rules, and now she doesn't really have any...). She was hurt and confused about things going on in her life, and since we are so close, she felt safe to just vent all her frustration at me. I can take it. Things were a bit bumpy at first, but as with my husband, I have been clear about my boundaries and acceptable behavior and it has made a big difference. We remain close and visit with each other on the phone or in person daily. She is happy and calm and spoiled, and so am I.

If I do not tend to my boundaries, I let others take advantage of me, and that blurs the lines of the path we're on, which isn't good for anyone. My relationship with myself must be intact in order to have healthy relationships with others.

My physical health. I have been lax about eating well and completely sedentary. I need to get back in the saddle... it makes such a difference.

Why do people spend so much time worrying about what others believe and do that has nothing to do with them?

My daughter doesn't have to work the entire day on Thanksgiving. And her schedule allows our family dinner to be pushed back to a time when Mark and I can be there.

Lately it is words. I have been very eloquent lately. I love words... exploring all the definitions, connotations, and etymology. I have been writing alot elsewhere.

I love to sing. I have awards for singing. I've sung with bands (not regularly and only a little).

My daughter and I are prone to spontaneous parking lot dance parties.

I used to carry a camera with me everywhere. I love photography.

I finally bought that five-string bass guitar I've wanted for years.

I love to doodle and to paint - especially watercolors.

I love to think creatively. Problem solving. Philosophical questions. Possibilities...

Right now I'm hanging around in a pretty clearing on the side of the path.

My spiritual journey here has been long and varied. I studied so much and gathered knowledge for years and explored. Then I decided that action was necessary and went from a place of gathering knowledge and treating my spirituality like a smorgasboard to having this beautiful path that comes from my center. I was fortunate enough to have been given tools that allow me to see my own way - it is a very different experience than the quilt method. I have been blessed to be part of helping to lead people to find their own way and act on it - it has been a wonderful gift to observe these transformations.

Right now I am not as involved personally or in groups as I was. I miss it. But I'm enjoying gathering a little dust and exploring this new phase of my life as a married person. I am looking forward to refocusing during my clan's annual new year seminar - a very profound and motivating and centering experience.

I have artwork throughout my home. Pieces I enjoy seeing.

BUT I just remembered: my daughter texted me a picture of her Thanksgiving hand turkey thingy. I love that she enjoys kid stuff still at age 17. I recently was looking for something in the garage and came upon a collection of her early elementary school artwork. My happy, imaginative, creative baby.

I wouldn't say anything is NOT worthwhile. However, there are things that are MORE worthwhile.

To me it is determined by if it is helping me to meet a goal (my goals include the regular stuff as well as rest and peacefulness) and it is done with intention and integrity. Things that are purposeful tend to lead to growth, enlightenment, pleasure, etc. When just spinning wheels, it just feels like wasting precious, irreplaceable time.