This month I hope to bring our finances back to a reasonable level and for hubby to get a steady income. I am hoping to celebrate solstice from a base of stability and already on that path to brighter days.

Of those I interact with on a regular basis, it would be Mark's cousin's daughter who recently turned five. She likes sparkly princess things, gymnastics, interactive play games, and is very friendly and open to receiving love.

Yesterday I found my lavender oil that had been misplaced under the sink.

All living beings.

I want to be thankful for my hubby's new job, having all the bills paid, and good health.

Thanks for the reminder that acting as if can make it so...

The most natural and most difficult promise are the same: my marriage vows. I never, ever, ever really wanted to be married. I almost got talked into it a couple times. I was convinced by my mid-30s after a variety of relationships good and bad I had experienced the range. I was not interested in permanence in any of those relationships, even the good, long-term one(s). However, when I met my husband, I knew I had met my perfect match. We were compelled to get married. It is really difficult to give in and go against my stubborn refusal to avoid marriage, to see the difference between a long-term committed relationship and Marriage. It's way bigger than I thought. It's harder. I am extra challenged because my husband is bipolar, so my commitment to be his friend (not just stick with) and be supportive is really what keeps everything together at times. And I love doing it. It's hard, but I love it.

Every time. My home is my sanctuary, thanks in large part to my wonderful husband who keeps it clean and maintained. My pets are there also, as are my books and knickknacks and artwork I enjoy seeing. I also love being there to cook. I used to always want to be on the go and out somewhere, but now my favorite place in the world is home.

As I believe energy is neither created nor destroyed, and things set in motion stay in motion unless acted upon by another force, I believe very strongly in karma. Not the reincarnation kind necessarily, but in this life. Bad things to happen to innocent people because bad things happen and we are all part of this world and connected by the same energy. But there is also the principle of attraction and magnetism. Positive thoughts influence the physical world because they are energy. In my lifetime I have experienced that as I learn to respect myself and others and act without harming things go much smoother. Part of what helps good things happen in my life is just being of service to others and letting go to let things flow naturally. One example of how all of this works in my life is that when I am pretty broke and have no idea where money will come for something important (bills or food), all I have to do is use the last bit of cash I have in some way that is good for me (which includes fun or taking care of some small responsibility) or to help someone else. The key is to do this free of worry for the future - to do the right thing now. As if by magic, I will receive an unexpected amount of money generally just enough for what I need. As much as I worry about money since I hardly ever have any, since I began noticing how this works and have been making a point to spend my last pennies for good, it has worked every single time. This doesn't mean I always pay my bills on time or stress about money or have enough spending cash... this is just part of it all too. But I think the same principle is active throughout my life, just not necessarily as tangible and explainable.

Also, things have happened that I call karma. About 20 years ago I was dating a guy whose ex-girlfriend threatened to have me shot - twice (and was the sort of gal to know the people to do it). About two years later (out of this relationship and in another), I had my daughter. The day or day after I brought her home from the hospital (well, to my parents' - she was early and we were in the middle of moving), my stepdad was watching the news and there was a story about a woman who had been shot and killed by her boyfriend. It was this ex-girlfriend who threatened me... and it happened in the same hotel where that guy had been staying with a friend for the first couple weeks we dated. I can cite many other examples of these kinds of things - I sometimes joke that I have a sick and twisted guardian angel - bad things happen to people who are mean to me. Likewise, I have had many good things happen reminiscent of things I have done for others.

The book I want to write, the scrapbooks I want to compile, being free of all the clutter in the garage, the cabin in the mountains I will live in, the experience that will make my life richer on a daily basis.

I'd really like to be on the other side of this transitional period. Trying to remember that it's all about the journey and that tomorrow doesn't get here any faster by me concentrating on it. I am expecting Mark to have a job, our bills to get paid off, my daughter (Kaia) to make some needed changes for her mental health, and for me to get back on a medicine wheel path. It's going to be a very good year. I expect that the lack of abundance in the world economics arena will be balanced by personal growth for many... It's about time to focus on what matters, moving ahead, better understanding, instead of reacting in fear. This applies to all that I mentioned above as well as politics.

The value of boundaries.

Looking around and seeing the results of all the projects Mark and I have done together. The routines we love that involve the home. The cats coming in and going out through the screens. The tree the cats love to climb. The big shade tree in the front. The lavender I planted. The meditation space in the back yard created by an old friend. The grass that has learned to grow in the natural conditions.

When they are comfortable with who they are and accept me for who I am.

My husband. I remember the first time he came to my house. We stood in the kitchen and talked for hours. I was smiling the whole time. As I listened to him talk, I heard phrases and ideas I had never heard from anyone but me. It was wonderful. As we got to know each other, we discovered so many commonalities, both usual and unusual.

My daughter. Her open and nonjudgemental character, how she stuffs her emotions (I used to), interest in mystery and mystical things, creativity, eyes, humor, so many things... her personality is very unique, but at the same time she emulates me in so many ways (subconsciously).

Ooh. I don't like to think about that.. my "motivation" for the past couple weeks has been complete laziness and procrastination on everything except my home library. I was motivated by desire and vision and need for a place to have some personal space of my own.

My pets, sunshine, completing a project, my husband, my daughter.

I am sharing some soul-searching and motivational tools with women on another site.

This year it has been extra time with my daughter and the welcoming vibe of my husband's family.

I first "met" him in a dream I had several years before we met in person. I didn't remember the dream until after we were married. In my dream, I was getting married to a very handsome man with black hair and green eyes, and I even knew his name! I wrote this in my dream journal... our last name sounds like another word... when I wrote down the dream I wrote that word with a question mark. In my dream were also his brother and father and some other accurate details about these people.

I saw him shortly before we met. I was at the usual hangout with the girls and saw him come in. I was not interested in dating, so I just checked out the eye candy and let it be.

Shortly after, as I was walking into same hangout to meet up with the girls, he stood up in front of me with a big smile and said, "Where are you going?" He tried to get me to sit with him. I bought him a shot when I bought a round, and he and his friend came over and we talked a while. The friend lived a couple blocks from me and we were all going to hang out there, but my hubby ended up taking his brother home, so I went to the friend's house, where I met his wife (hubby's cousin). Mark ended up calling me the next day and I was really impressed with his intelligence and kindness. Then he tried to get me to meet him out the next day for football, but that is a sacred day for me and my sister, so he thought I was blowing him off.

I convinced his friend to get him to come out to the hangout a couple days later. And we've been together ever since...